Blessed Winter Solstice / Yule

Well, it's that time of year again, and I hope everyone is having a beautiful holiday season whatever tradition you are celebrating. The malls are once again packed to the gills, frenzied parents are running about for those last minute "perfect" gifts, and most of us are trying to keep some sense of calm inside amongst the chaos. At times like this, it's important to remember what it is we are really celebrating. Most of the holidays of this season are celebrating the increase of light in our world, with the Winter Solstice and Yule celebrating the rebirth of the sun to our world. From now until summer returns, the days will gradually offer us more light and warmth, though here in Florida I've been ecstatic over experiencing temperatures low enough to give honor to our wonderful fireplace. By this August I was worn out by the Africa hot swelter, and winter has arrived in our home with much fanfare and appreciation.

Aside from a Yule party that I went to with my daughter (given by the wonderful women who run her children's spiritual group), this witch has not done too much in the way of Yule festivities. We have a gorgeous tree taking honor in a corner of our living room, lights decking the eves and fences, various ornaments and pine boughs sparkling about the inside of our home, and my altar has been decorated with sparkley red altar cloth and various items appropriate for the Winter Solstice/Yule, so the appearance related things have been done. Tomorrow we leave for New Orleans to visit my husband's family, so I've been busy doing laundry and trying to get ready to leave. I'd hoped to have a small Winter Solstice ritual here at home, but it was not to be, and I don't expect I'll be engaging any while we are away. I will, however, be saying a few prayers to the Goddess upon takeoff tomorrow evening. I hate hate hate flying, and the past two experiences flying into New Orleans were, shall we say, a bit rough. Still, I'll be happy to be visiting this magical city again, and visiting with family (to include one new baby) in Lafayette and the surrounding areas.

I hope everyone had a blessed Winter Solstice today, and that whatever holiday you celebrate, the season finds you well, prosperous in all the ways you want to be (harming none, of course), and content with whatever life is offering you today!

Dancing with Life

I've been exploring lots lately, delving into my Jewish roots, reading all I can about the more mystical aspects of Judaism, as well as the reasons behind many of the traditions and how they can connect one to the Higher Power. I've been enjoying this, because I don't want to lose my connection to this beautiful religion, don't want to neglect the gift of passing this knowledge to my daughter. At the same time, neglecting the Goddessy, more Pagan aspect of my life was throwing me into a depression of sorts. My altar was well past being adorned with the accutrements of the appropriate season, with nary a candle burned down. I haven't been to the local UU Church at least three months, and I miss the women I've met there at study groups. In short, neglecting the Goddess in consort with the God has wreaked more havoc in my life than I'd previously imagined possible. It was only after I'd made the decision to deck my altar with a holly bough, red and green candles, a Yule angel and snowman, and a sparkly red altar cloth that I realized the cause of my depression. It occurs to me that maybe that is part of the problem with society as well. Isn't the Goddess aspect of diety largely missing from Judao-Christian religion? Sure, Judaism has the feminine aspect of God in the form of the Shekinah, and Catholicism gives props to the Blessed Virgin. This is different from speaking to and identifying with diety in a balanced, male/female way, though. For most people, God is still male, and rarely is it that people notice the spirits which exist in the natural world, such as the spirits of the great woodlands that I so love. I know that for me, as I lay my head on my pillow tonight, my heart and spirit will rest with the Great Spirit in a more balanced way. I have greatly missed the magickal world. I'm glad to be back.

On Being a Mom

I once heard that being a mom comes naturally, that once you step into the role, you just do what you need to do out of instinct. I think someone told me that to ease my worries, but I have found it to be not completely true. And, believing that every other mother in the world must know how to raise a child more effectively than I did caused me further worry. While the nurturing aspects of motherhood did come very easily for me (I was the type of mother who was talking to her child in the womb-before she even had ears), the organizational aspects did not. It has taken me every minute of these past nearly six years to arrive at the point that I'm at now, many of those minutes filled with fear and anxiety over how I could never get my child anyplace on time, how I could never seem to do enough to energize her mind, etc., etc., etc. I believe that most mothers agonize over these issues, but I truly feel that when it comes to being an organized, on time, full throttle mommy, it's taken me more time than the average bear to get the hang of this thing.

As a child, I was a laid back soul. Moving into the teenage years, I pretty much kept up that aspect of my personality, to the point that I began having difficulties getting to places on time. I particularly struggled with this in college, though some of that was linked to problems with anxiety. The other part of it, the habit that followed me after I graduated, was an inability to stay focused on my goals for the day. I am so easily distracted that, if I'm not careful, I will spend four hours puttering around our home when I should be somewhere else. The problem today is that I have a little girl who counts on me to get her to classes and field trips and movies and everyplace else on time. When I fail in this I feel I've failed her, and that hurts very deeply. Therefore, when the secular year broke into 2010, I made a resolution (in spite of the fact that I'd previously made a resolution not to make resolutions) to start being on time, not just for my daughter's engagements but for mine as well. I hate being late; it causes me stress and upsets the people who are waiting for me. And I hate not being organized as well, because if I don't start the day off on the proverbial right foot and early, there is no way I can accomplish everything I'd like to (or need to) in the hours I have ahead of me, and I spend the duration of those hours rushing around like a mad woman. This is not comfortable for me or my daughter, and it leaves me with scant time to play with her and just enjoy those special moments that happen during the day. Little things like wild flowers on the side of the road during a stroll (my daughter loves picking a few and giving them to me to put into water when we get home), watching that cool way our dog tips his head to the side when I ask him if he wants to go for a walk, nuzzling my cat's neck, pausing to check out my daughter's newest artistic creations, are all precious moments that don't occur quite the same way twice. We miss so much of the good stuff when we're stressed out because we wasted away time earlier in the day and are struggling to catch up.

Now, six years or so into motherhood, I feel like I'm beginning to relax into a comfortable rhythm, and to be okay with letting go of that bohemian type of existence. I've taken my daughter to a couple of events this week and we were on time for both and unstressed when we left our home because I allowed her enough time to wake up slowly and not rush through breakfast. I'm exploring fun things we can do over the rest of the summer and beyond, and looking forward to the coming homeschool year with nervous anticipation. I'm loving following a schedule of sorts (while I love eating dinner at 6:00pm, I haven't always been very good at getting dinner on the table for that time). I'm beginning to learn the skills that both my mother and grandmother seemed to magically possess. We were always out of bed on time, in bed sleeping on time, eating dinner on time, at roughly the same point on the clock every day. There was a continuity and rhythm to life that I remember finding security in. Of course, there is always wiggle room for special occasions and those days when life doesn't quite work out the way we've planned it. But there is also the comfort of knowing that yes, we will be able to make that 10 a.m. appointment on time, or being fairly sure that we will be eating dinner before 8:00 p.m. I will always be the artist, the creative soul, the somewhat free spirit. Today, though, I'm also a Mom. That's the most precious role I've ever played, and I intend to fill it with as much gusto as my body, heart, and soul can muster.