The Emotional Roller Coaster of Parenting

This week, we needed to visit the orthodontist for the first time, to deal with an issue our daughter is having with her teeth.  Apparently, her front baby teeth are very happy where they are, while the adult teeth are trying desperately to come through.  Wiggle though I might, I have not been able to loosen them enough to pop out, and now we've learned that even if they did decide to let go, there isn't enough room in our little one's mouth to accommodate the much larger grown up teeth.  According to the very kindly orthodontist (seriously, he was a super nice guy, the type of person who could  make you relax in the midst of the house burning down), crowding of the teeth is usually caused by the hereditary issue of a small mouth.  Interestingly, the doctor looked at me when he said this, at which time I admitted that, yes, our family is the side cursed with having a small oral cavity. That said, I'm fairly sure there are times when my husband would argue the issue of how small my mouth really is.

The skinny of the situation is that four baby teeth will need to be extracted, the thought of which makes me cringe.  Even though the doctor assured us that in the case of baby teeth such a procedure takes very little time, I have a feeling that this is one of those occasions when one minute will seem to equal ten.  Half jokingly, I asked the secretary scheduling appointments if the parents could have some nitrous oxide while the teeth are being pulled. She laughed quite loudly and said that she'd never heard anyone ask that question before, but I'm sure that the prospect of watching a dentist yank out several of one's child's teeth is enough to make any parent reach for a sedative.  While I know this is being done to help my daughter, there lives within me a primal urge to attack anyone causing her violence, and though my rational mind will prevent this from happening, the sick, uncomfortable feeling will remain.  I feel terrible that she has to go through this, but after talking with the orthodontist and viewing the x-rays of our daughter's mouth, my husband and I both understood why this is the best course of action.  (Insert heavy sigh.)

Driving home, I reflected on how it must feel for a parent to experience a real illness with a child.  Suddenly, I felt grateful that it's only a tooth extraction that our daughter has to go through, and that what we're having done is certain to improve the situation at hand.

   I realized with great clarity that the more I fuss about this situation, the more frightening it will be for my daughter, and that although I want to protect her from every manner of uncomfortable problem, matters are going to arise in her life that are going to be difficult.  Part of being a parent is supporting our kids through the pitfalls of life, gathering together our own fears and not over dramatizing.  Part of being a parent is making decisions that are for the best interest of our children even when at first glance they seem unacceptable. Two days ago I was crowing that nobody was going to pull four teeth from my little girl's tiny mouth.  Today, I understood that not doing so will create much more harm for her than the relatively short period of soreness she will have to endure.

So, now I'm breathing, staying in the moment, and just trying to:

A Thought Before Leaving

Sitting at the kitchen table, munching on a dark chocolate brownie cookie (things really do seem better with chocolate), my mind began to wander. I have a short time before I need to leave the house to attend the second installment of a series of Goddess classes I signed up for; not enough time to pull out my artwork or type away at my book. In lieu of doing either of those things, which tend to focus my mind and ease my anxieties, I'll write here.

Yesterday I was overcome by the feeling that something really great was about to happen. Very often, I'll have such feelings when something bad is soon to occur, but not the other way around. This can be frustrating, and so I was happy to be having this new experience! I'm still unsure of what, if anything, this means. Lots of times I'll have a feeling about something that takes place a week or so into the future; I thus far have only had a handful of experiences where I could see exactly what was going to take place. Today I also have a feeling of dread. With the news constantly broadcasting images of bin Laden and the bloody floor of his bedroom and the underlying fear of future attacks hanging over our heads like a fishing net, it's small wonder I feel uneasy. I'm happy that this man, who I feel had been overtaken by the evil of his own fanaticism, is no longer on this side of the veil. I hope his spirit will be re-born into a human who is kinder and more in harmony with humanity, and that the horrors he orchestrated in our country can heal more for his absence. I have complete confidence in our SEALS, am relieved they managed this attack without injury to any more of our own, and applaud their bravery and perseverance. What troubles me now is that his killing has stirred up the proverbial hornets' nest. While I doubt we were much safer with bin Laden alive, I fear his death might re-energize his followers with a martyr fury. Fueled by rage and with their hatred of us energized by the conception of their leader as a fearless man who went down defending what he believed was right, I fear they might be provoked to attempt something terrible soon. With our families so spread out around the country, this causes me further anxiety.

I hope I'm wrong, and I don't think that the feelings I have are related to any issues of nationwide importance. Still, my discomfort level has been raised by the events of the past few days. Images of the twin towers falling still haunt me, as I'm sure they do most Americans old enough to remember that day. I awoke with a renewed realization that the world can truly be a frightening place, that the innocence I once possessed has been forever erased, that sometimes it's all too easy for people to be pursuaded into evil for the sake of their twisted version of faith.



Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Catching Up

I've been finding blogging to be a difficult endeavor lately, thus I have been neglecting this site badly. I've been short of time to read blogs or post on my own, and even now I only have a short moment to write. This is a good thing, I suppose, since all of the things that keep me busy enrich my life and I would be a sadder person for not having so much energy swirling around me.

Beltane was a fairly quiet affair for us. We attended a festival at the local UU Church (my first holiday festival, actually), narrowly missing the May pole dance due to a car emergency. We had to go home early to pick my hub's car up from the garage, but I'm glad we got to partake of some springtime revelry with a bunch of cool people.

The year continues to move forward and I'm feeling in my bones how things are shifting in my life. The Universe reveals so much to us when we approach our lives with wide open eyes, but sometimes the changes are very subtle. I think that many people, expecting that spiritual messages have always to arrive in a bang of white light, miss the messages which try to reach us in the ordinary moments of our days. I experienced a wonderful meditation a few nights ago. While deep in a state of quiet and peace, I asked my spirit guide why I still feel such a hole in my soul when I already have so many blessings. The answer I received was straightforward: you're an artist who isn't creating, a writer who isn't writing, a passionate person who isn't using your passion toward a cause you believe in, a spiritual being who is just beginning to delve into a much deeper spiritual experience. You're a lover of mountains trapped in a flat landscape. You have many deep needs that need to be filled but are being neglected, and if you want to feel whole you must do the things which are meant to keep you that way. Reading this, the message might seem very negative, but it really wasn't. The message, as the conversation continued, was that being aware of our deficits hands us responsibilty for getting off our butts and taking the action we need to take. If I know I'm trying to do this, then I don't feel like such a powerless victim, and things can truly begin to happen.

Peace!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone