There's a big cardboard box in our living room filled with 5th grade books and activity kits. I'm still wondering how we've arrived at the 5th grade already, but I suppose every parent wonders such things. We never do seem to get an answer, but we cherish the moments with our kids and feel a little sad when they've passed. We celebrate their climb to adulthood but we mourn the gradual loss of childhood just the same. Truthfully, we hope that they can hold onto a few sparks of childhood wonder, because we never really outgrow those sparks and they will enrich our lives beyond measure
if we don't give the world permission to steal our joy.
I'm a little bit afraid, as the new academic year looms a couple of weeks ahead of us. I'm afraid that the character defects that I've been working on for the past several years will continue to dog me, preventing me from reaching the fullest potential I can both personally and with regard to my family. I'm afraid that I won't have enough time to squeeze in all the things I want to do with our daughter, in these years when urgency seems suddenly to be calling and every minute is like a rare jewel that will self destruct at some point, leaving only a memory of its luster and sparkle. I'm afraid that I won't be able to teach her well, that I'll fail in my responsibilities to our homeschool groups. I'm afraid and melancholy over some major changes that are on the horizon, such as our girl's best friend since she was 5 years kid moving far away. There has been so much moving around here. I long for the constancy of a more root cherishing place. I don't feel like I was designed for all of these good byes and all of this being left behind in the dust of other people's see you laters. My heart has broken several times this week over this last item. I know that things will work out, but I also know that it will be hard, and for more folk than just us. But I worry most about my girl.
After we get home from our yearly trip to Massachusetts (bliss!), we'll begin the school year in earnest. This week, I'll clean our school room up some and try to organize the place so it's clean and inviting instead of schoolroom post apocolypse. As well, I'll start taking forward steps toward living life better, a day at a time.
Breathe in love, breathe out peace.