Sunday, January 15, 2012

Less Fear in the New Year

I'm not a big believer in New Year's resolutions.  I feel like placing the tag "resolution" on anything pretty much renders me into a state of sure failure in the long run.  On the other hand, I'm a huge believer in New Year's goals.  While some of us (me included) ushered the spiritual new year in three or so months ago, something about the start of a fresh secular year feels magical, full of possibility and the potential for change.  It's a good time to look at the goals I began jotting down in October and begin taking positive action in the direction of birthing them to reality.  I feel a special stirring this year, an urgency to really push forward.  I'm tired of the place I'm at spiritually and even socially, and feel a deep need to shake myself out of the rut I've been mired within and start heading for new meadows. 

Last year, I made a promise to myself that I'd begin stepping out of my comfort zone a bit, trying new things that I'd been wanting to do but had still not ventured into.  I feel like I accomplished that to a certain degree, but this year I'd like to go even farther with that.  I'm not talking about anything crazy.  I don't anticipate any bungee jumping or base gliding in the coming months.  What I am talking about is, quite simply, more "yes".  More commitment to plans, goals, dreams, friends, groups in whom I've been interested, homeschooling adventures that look like fun.  Less commitment to fear and hesitancy, my two worst enemies and the saboteurs of many a wild dream.  I've realized over the years that, when making a plan, the word "yes" is oftentimes the crucial ingredient in making things happen, followed by the word "now".  How often do we tell ourselves we'll try some new activity or even engage in a favored old one, but put it off until soon months have passed and we're still in the planning and hoping stages? This year, I'd like to speak more "nows" and fewer "laters".  Later didn't take me far enough last year, and fear kept me from really diving into life. Some of the fears were of my own creation, while others were ones I allowed others to place across my shoulders, but no matter what land they rose from, they sewed a crop of failures that haunted me into December. At year's close, I found myself burdened with a pit of sadness in my soul for what could have been had I only stepped just a little bit further into semi-new territory. 

So this year is the Year of Now and The Year of Yes.  And, maybe Yes to Now?