Finding the Magic in the Everyday

Magickal Graphics

For the past week or so, I've been slogging through the depression which finally fell over me, after having stalked me for quite a while.  Depression is a funny thing-it comes quietly, sometimes triggered by sad events or other situations that leave me feeling powerless, and sometimes with little or no warning and for no apparent reason at all.  I think that for me it is, in part, a condition inherited from my the maternal side of my family. I've learned to manage it better over the years, knowing that most of the things my mind tells me while I'm under its grip are lies which will be revealed once the condition finally leaves, but it's still difficult when I'm wandering through the dark, using every tool at my disposal to reach that little point of light at the end of proverbial tunnel.  I've learned not to immerse myself too deeply in the daily news, sticking mostly to short clips that I read on the internet or to magazines such as Time and Newsweek, since television tends to sensationalize every single horrible event of the day to maximum, rating raising effect. Our house is painted in bright colors, because even though I love gothic design and dark colors, I also love vibrant colors and they tend to be the ones that lift my spirit. I focus on all of the people, animals, and things I love in my life, on the Great Spirit and nature and everything I see as a blessing.  There are so many blessings hidden (and not so hidden) in every day, and those are the truths in my life, the things that are real.  I write and I create works of art and I play with my daughter and my husband and our dog and our cat, and, yes, even our turtle.  At some point, the fog lifts and my energy comes back, as began to happen today, much to my gratitude and joy.

Tonight, after we ate dinner and the kitchen had been cleaned up, I took our dog for a walk in the muggy night, under the light of a moon about half waxed to full.  A light breeze ruffled the trees and there was a positive, happy energy on the wind.  We crossed the main road to walk alongside the golf course, our path lit by street lamps and our steps accompanied by the music of cars wooshing by.  Surprisingly, on this particular night there was a "fairy feel" about the golf course.  I noticed a knarly melaluca tree, its skin peeling, branches reaching upward into the dark night, and something about it seemed so magical to me.  It appeared to me to belong in the midst of an enchanted wood, a home for fairies and elves.  The white beast sniffed about the base of a thin palm tree and I noticed that the short row of palms we were standing amongst looked like a tiny oasis right there on the side of the road.  The grass bent and whispered as the dog sniffed away, sensing other dogs who'd journeyed past, and the breeze whispered in my ear that, yes, even this place, beside a main road next to a golf course, held some magic and wonder. I would not have been surprised had I seen fairy lights as I gazed across the darkened field, though my eyes were met only with grass, trees, and small, soft hills.

I am humbled by nature, by the power she has to heal and comfort me.  And I am thankful. 
 

Moving Day for the Neighbors

 

When we decided to purchase our home, one of the things that encouraged us to take the plunge was that our neighbors on either side had children young enough to play with our daughter.  In fact, two of them are close to her age, and have been great playmates for her over the past few years that we've lived here.  We fell in love almost right away with the house itself-the energy in this place has been welcoming and just generally great since day one-but it's always nice when another factor pops up to make you feel as though you really are making a good decision, especially when a large sum of money is involved!

Yesterday, a huge moving truck was parked outside for most of the day, loading up our neighbors' belongings for the long trip across the country to their new home state of California.  They have a little girl just a tiny bit younger than Sparkle Fairy, and a young son who we've enjoyed watching grow from babyhood up to this point.  Today, a few more things were loaded onto a truck and our neighbors themselves began their new journey.  My daughter has been very sad about this move since the day she was told it would take place, a few months ago, and there have been many tears.  Yesterday, she looked at me and said with more than a little frustration in her voice, "Mommy, why do my best friends always have to move away?!"

I could relate to this sentiment.  Many of my good friends have moved as well.  In fact, since I've moved to Florida it seems that many of the people with whom I've become the closest and with whom I've related the most have eventually pulled up their Florida roots and hit the road to parts far removed from this soil.  There are many reasons for this; some have left to escape the hurricanes, other have obtained better jobs, desired  a change of pace from that which South Florida offered them,  were tired of the crime/crowding/heat/rapid cost of living increase, etc., or wanted to live near family again.  South Florida seems to be the type of place that people move to with an expectation, but realize after they've been here for awhile that their vision doesn't match the reality of living here. I've been disillusioned with it for several years but so far we're stuck here for work related  reasons. 

I've felt sad for the past two days.  I always feel, when people leave, that I'm being left behind. I'm not sure why this emotion always hits me in the gut (maybe some sort of unresolved childhood issues? ) but I definitely feel a sense of that today.  Maybe it's just that a part of me desperately wants to go home, to be near my own family again.  In some respects, Florida has been great to me, while in other ways it hasn't been that great at all.  Lately, we've been feeling quite a bit of the latter, and I've been trying to focus more on the positives in an effort to not slide into negative thinking, which is unhealthy on a few different levels. I find solace in the monthly circles I try hard to attend, in the Facebook posts of friends and family, in the friends who are still here, in my own little family and our small brood of animals.  These things counteract the deep longing I have for the forests and hills of my homestate, the changing seasons, my beautiful extended family, Saturdays hanging out with my Mom, the salty, boggy air of Cape Cod, and the old familiar places I grew up around a little bit.  Lately, though, it seems like so much is pushing us away and the longing is growing stronger than my rational mind can process.  I'll keep trying to stay focused in the now, and will vision board, and enjoy every wonderful person and thing and event that is front of me at any given moment. 

Tonight, though, I'll let myself be a little sad.