I've been lonely lately. When I say this, I'm not referring to a sense of being completely alone, but, rather, lacking in feeling a sense of community. I have my little family, and I love them with all that I am and am grateful for them. Most of us need to feel a sense of community, though. Particularly for those of us living far away from our natural families, there exists a sense of needing people who share our values and accept us for who we are. We need people to chat with (drum with) around bonfires, to share laughs with in the back yard on summer nights, to commiserate with, and navigate life with. There are a few people I feel this closeness with here, and quite a few people I'd love to get to know better, but thus far I feel fairly isolated, and it's starting to get to me. Is it anybody else's fault that I feel this way? No. I pretty much take responsibility for where I'm at. Because some of my ideas stray from the mainstream it's easy for me to feel out of place in the mundane world. I try to spend time with people of like mind, and that always refreshes me and provides me with sense of not being crazy. It's difficult to get away sometimes though. I'm trying a little more to take time out to do activities that feed my soul, but it's a slow process. I'm trying to balance the different areas of my life where it isn't possible to integrate them. I still don't understand why being a free thinker has to offend some people so much. Why does weighing science with spirituality and acting accordingly have to make a person seem so odd to people who can't, won't, or simply don't have any interest in doing this? I believe in things unseen. I have witnessed the magic of nature and know that not everything that "is" can be neatly tucked between the pages of a text book. I also believe that there are workings of our planet which scientists have explained through many years of research, and while they might not necessarily point to a literal Garden of Eden, they do present a logical framework for the beginnings of life. There are still so many things we don't know, and scientists don't always get it right, but I don't think it's fair when someone looks at me with disgust and ridicule when I mention that there is no evidence to prove and much evidence to disprove in ideas such as dinosaurs and human beings co-existing.
I'm just venting a bit here. I know that I need to make some active changes in order for this hole that has been widening within me to be filled. I know, roughly, what I need to do. Sort of.
