Since the Last Time..

It's been awhile since I last posted. Since I last blogged here, I've gone around in circles spiritually, trying to find just the right blend between what I believe in my heart to be right for me spiritually while attempting to sprinkle in aspects of my families' diverse heritages. I've experienced some conflict in this area for many years, but have found that when it comes to matters of religion, one will never be happy or fulfilled if she/he is following a particular road to make others happy and/or more comfortable. I have, in all of my attempts to blend in with the faiths of those around me, found this to be the absolute truth. Today, I cannot blend. It's important to me to be true to myself, as well as true to those around me whose spiritual paths stray a distance away from the "normal", more accepted pathways.

The key to this shift was, for me, having the willingness to finally take action in my own life. Last year I began to meet various people in the Pagan realm, which helped me to feel less alone. I attended festivals, talked with Wiccan parents, perused the internet, read blogs of other Pagans. I felt a thirst that could not be quenched; the more people with whom I interacted, the more I wanted to meet other people who held beliefs similar to my own. Reading the blog of a popular Wiccan author, I longed to connect with a group of women the way that she did, to attend rituals under the moonlight, to talk about the Goddess, to connect on that level reserved for those walking the same path of spirit. This year, I finally attended a couple of ritual circles, and the experience was amazing. Solitary rituals are fulfilling and can be very power filled, but there is nothing quite as exhilarating as standing hand in hand under the soft light of a glorious full moon with a wonderful group of women, casting a circle around a bonfire and raising energy. Wow!!! While the shy side of me was just a tiny bit nervous the first time I walked into a room filled with other witchy women, I'm so glad I made that leap from reading about group rituals to actually attending a couple. I hope that this year will lead me farther in this direction; I would love to become closer with these women, to know the camaraderie and the special connection of working within a coven. I'm trying to move forward slowly, but already I'm thinking about asking the HP if I can study with her circle and work toward the Priestess path. Intuition tells me that this year is going to bring about lots of change (hopefully all of the positive variety). Change can be difficult, especially for a Virgo like me who prefers that everything in my life be ordered and for life to flow smoothly, devoid of too much conflict. I don't wish to manifest any negative events, but I know that moving in the direction I am might cause conflict in my personal life-maybe just a little, maybe a lot. How much chaos ensues will be partly dependent upon the choices I make, whether I'm willing to compromise here and there (I am), and how quickly I want to move forward.

Tonight, I'm just taking a deep breath and feeling blessed for having made it this far.