Bibbles and Baubles

I know that, on any given day, I need to try as much as possible to stay in the moment, to remember that the most important place for me to be is right here, right where I'm standing.  I need sometimes to just take a deep breathe, soak up every bit of beauty that lies before me, and find a tiny piece of stillness in my soul.

Some days, however, the voices of longing are just a bit too loud to ignore.  There is a place in my heart that wants from the deepest part of desire to be home again, back up north, where the pines whisper in the wind of an October night, and the summer sun doesn't make me feel like a chicken in a rotisserie oven.  I want to take our daughter apple picking in the fall and to her Grandmother's house on Christmas day, to the beach in the midst of July (my skin can't tolerate the sun here at that time of year) and into the cool of an upper Cape lake without worry of an alligator trying to chomp her up.  I worry that my longing might be construed by God/dess as an ungrateful attitude, that I might mess up all of the good we have going here in our life right now today.  But I don't feel an "unwant" for what I have.  I just feel a very deep pain at what has been lost, like a wound that has healed over but just. The skin is still raw in spite of the years between when I left New England and now. 

Pictures of the past show up in unexpected places, such as earrings spilled from my jewelry box, a gift from a friend years ago, when the heaviest question on my mind was what I was going to wear to the senior prom, or the pocket watch that used to belong to my brother but somehow became mine;  or the watch my grandparents gifted me with at High School graduation.  Mixed in with these things are hoop earrings my daughter created with her own tiny hands one year, when a dear friend's daughter came to visit from California.  My daughter adored her, and they spent an afternoon painting and creating beaded jewelry.  How I treasure those priceless circles of blue and green baubles, more precious than sapphires and emeralds! They were the most treasured of all the gifts I received that holiday. 

Since I've been so pulled in this direction, and since the longing refuses to leave, I began creating a vision board.  So far, it boasts magazine photos of various New England scenes: the craggy seashore, a serene lake on which floats a bright red skiff (this one chosen for my husband, who loves to fish), outdoor stone fireplaces, back yard docks in Maine, a bookcase packed from end to end and top to bottom with brightly colored books, in honor of my desire to to become a published author.  Every picture selected for this board will represent an element of life that one of us would enjoy having.  Even looking at it now, with so many white gaps staring me in the face, the vision board makes me smile, and have hope that some little (and pleasant) twist of life will allow us to make a positive change in that direction.

Of course, there are people I love here, and activities we're engaged in which we'd both be sad to leave.  I don't know where the gravel road of life is going to lead us, if we'll be here in Florida forever or if we'll head northward somewhere in the next few years.  I'm not pining away my days, but am enjoying every moment that's placed before me now.  Being homesick and desiring a move back to my roots isn't impinging on the current situation, but it is driving me toward achieving some of my goals.  Today I spent a little time working on my book.  Later in the week I hope to purchase the coveted airplane tickets to Massachusetts, the ones that will ensure (barring any unforeseen and unwelcome events) yet another summer's end trip of very deep joy, nestled in the arms of the landscape that helped raise me, sharing the sights and sounds and laughter with the little one. 

Until then, life is here for me to attend to, and it's a blessed life. It's a full life, much more than I'd ever hoped for. There are sea shells from the Bimini to appreciate:

Gifts from friends to treasure:

And the warmth of a home filled with love and blessings beyond compare.