Some Thoughts

I've been a huge fan of the television show, Paranormal State, since it's beginning on A&E. Sometimes the shows give me pause, as did the one I watched last night. The program documented the possession of a young girl, as well as the suicide of another woman who is believe to have been visited by the same spirit/demon by whom Ryan Buell and his team were confronted at the home of the former. Due in part to my lifelong religious pondering and my current spiritual practices, cases such as these disturb me deeply. What are demons? Do they come from some shadowy other world or are they discontented spirits who thrive on the fear of the people they torment? In my spiritual path, people generally do not believe in a Satan figure, nor do we believe in hell. I do, however, believe that there are negative entities out there, demons, if you will. Furthermore, I'm not sure what happens to the people in our world who commit hideous acts of evil after they cross over. The rational side of me says that there has to be some sort of penance; one cannot spend a whole life doing wrong and then live in an afterlife of paradise, right? Or, maybe, those spirits go around in another cycle of life, learning in the next life what they did not learn in the previous.

My little family and I are in the midst of moving from our current abode. In the recent past, I've experienced some disturbing occurrences here, but I began "blocking" because, as someone with little experience in how to deal with restless spirits, I feel it would be too easy for me to get into some sort of trouble. I know people who have dabbled in the paranormal, only to have spirits attach to them and wreak havoc in their lives. At least in part because I have a small child, I do not want to invite this sort of problem into my own life. Lately, I've been feeling as though whoever is here is attempting to make himself known again (I say him, because I've been feeling a male presence). I will look up from a book or a journal to see a quick flash of someone who appears completely white, but the vision disappears before I can discern any features. I am not one prone to hallucinations and I do not drink or partake in drugs, so these instances have left me feeling a bit shaken.

As a bit of background, shortly after I moved into our townhouse I found out through the proverbial grapevine that a man and woman who lived across the street had died a few years ago in a murder suicide. For whatever reason, I'd assumed that the man had killed his wife and then himself. I tried to find some information online with regard to the couple, but came up empty handed and eventually stopped researching the tragedy. Then, my daughter began having nightmares . I did a complete house blessing and the nightmares ceased. A short time later, I was meditating when I felt the presence of a man and woman; the man seemed to be very angry but I had no idea why. Automatically, I thought of the couple across the street and in my mind wished them peace. The woman's spirit seemed to be very distraught, as if she'd done something horrible during her time here on earth for which she now had no recourse to correct. I was confused and thought that maybe it was not the spirit of the couple across the street, or that maybe I was just imagining the whole thing. Again, I just assumed that the man was the murderer; I suppose I've been conditioned by the evening news to always view the man as the aggressor, in spite of the fact that this is not always the situation. The man seemed to become enraged when I offered the woman some measure of forgiveness, when I told her it was okay to be at peace and move on. A little while later I was taking a shower when I had a vision of a man on his knees, basically pleading for his life while someone I could not see pointed a gun at him. I figured this vision was the result of watching too many Cold Case Files episodes and dismissed it. I did, however, conduct another online research with regard to the couple across the street, and this time I came up with some eye opening information. According to newspaper articles, the woman had shot the man and then herself. Chills ran up my spine as I read this; suddenly, all of the information I'd received during my contact with these spirits became clear. It was then that I realized I was in way over my head and needed to cease all contact. I didn't feel I knew enough to help them and was frightened by the level of rage I felt in the male entity. I did have the impression that he wanted me to know exactly what had happened to him, and that he did not want to die at the time his life was taken. The whole experience was extremely emotional and upsetting for me, as I'd no idea how to help bring him peace. I'm wondering if now that we are leaving his spirit is attempting to make contact again; I've read that when an earthbound spirit knows a living person is aware of his or her presence, the desire to make contact will be strong. It's sad to think that I might have been able to help him but didn't because I was afraid. I am, however, a bit afraid. Any suggestions or help anyone can offer (constructive, please-no negative commentary from those of you who think paranormal activity is bunch of crap; I've had too many experiences to believe that everything strange that happens can be explained away by scientific research, and I always search for the logical explanation prior to assuming that anything is paranormally related) would be appreciated (though I don't think too many people know or read my little blog so I don't expect to receive too many answers)!

Peace.

A Quick Hello

Lots and lots of stuff going on here. We got the house!!! Hooray!!!! We even got a visit from the original owner's daughter, who confirmed that "feeling" I'd gotten upon walking around the inside of the house that he really loved the place. I never felt anything of the most recent owners, but I felt something of the Judge's spirit there; maybe just old energy but, at any rate, the energy of the house has always been good, every time I've been inside. His daughter was visiting from New York and she and her husband were going to "old places", locales they'd frequented years back. It just happened that I was at the new house when they came strolling up the driveway. They seemed thrilled to be allowed back inside the house that once belonged to their parents/in-laws and I was thrilled to meet them. I enjoy learning about the history of places, and, as I said, I got such a good feeling when I first walked into this house that I wondered about the past owners. I'd even looked the Judge up online (there is a plaque that bears his name out by the lake behind the home), but the only information I'd been able to glean was that he was the first Jewish Judge ever elected in Broward County. Pretty cool!!!

So, today the tile man is laying the new floor down in the living room. My husband is over there, hard at work, helping to get the new porch enclosure finished up so we can paint, and I'm about to head out to pick up some filters for our salt water tank and a few things at the discount store. I feel a bit guilty that I'm not at the house, but there isn't much I can do over there right now (aside from be in the way, it seems) and my daughter is still getting over an ill she's had for the past couple of days. I'm reluctant to run her around too much; it's bad enough that we are meeting up with a friend for dinner tonight and might be out a tiny bit late. I am not feeling completely one hundred percent either. I have been dogged by fatigue over the past two days, probably the result of my body fighting off whatever this most recent invasion is. I wanted to do a ritual for Ostara (Vernal Equinox) today but did not have the energy for ritual this morning and will wait for a couple of days.

That said, Happy Ostara to those who celebrate the holiday, happy spring to everyone, and may the God/Goddess of your understanding bless you with the sparkle and power of successful new beginnings!

A Tentative Hooray!!!!

Woo hoo! We just received word that the financing came through on our new home. After the harrowing day Hubby and I both had yesterday (we have been trying to get this financing secured since November and were both at our wits' end by last night), we received word today that the Title company is set to close within forty eight hours. That means that we could possibly close tomorrow, which would be wonderful. Of course, it's not over 'til it's over, and I'm hesitant to be too excited about the whole deal just yet. Many times over the course of the past few months we have thought the deal was sealed, just to discover that the bank needed yet another document. These days when buying a home, the bank seems to just assume that everyone is criminal until they know otherwise. Every single bit of one's income is held up to the light, every document has to be verified as legitimate. I joked last night with one of the women at the bank that they now know more about us than our own families do. I'd been fairly certain all along that we would eventually be able to purchase this house. I always leave a few moments during my rituals when I stay quiet and listen for the Goddess to speak to me. This is how I learned what my working name is, and also how I was lead to a spiritual teacher (I had never heard of him before but found him online and communicated with him) who greatly assisted me with some spiritual dilemmas I was experiencing at the time. His words were exactly what I needed to get past some spiritual roadblocks which, at the time, seemed unsurmountable. Anyway, during the last ritual I performed, I was told that we would moving into this house, but that patience during the working phase between my husband and I will be very important. During all of the difficult moments of the past few weeks, I've thought often about this ritual, hoping that I didn't just think that I'd heard this affirmation. After all, this is something that I really wanted to happen and I had to be open to the fact that I just told myself that the Goddess was speaking to me and telling me that it would. But, I didn't think so. This great news comes one day after our landlady called me to say that she wants to show her townhouse (as soon as possible) so she can rent it after we move out. Not knowing if we would even have a home to move to, her text message threw me into a complete state of fear, and the depression which looms always in the shadowy corners of my mind was, by this morning, whispering its dark threats.

Soooo, I think I'm breathing normally again, at least for the time being. Hopefully nothing dreadful occurs before or at closing (who knows what they could come up with-we've been shocked by this whole process) to screw things up!

More Frustrations

Last night I received the sad news from one of my fellow homeschooling moms that our little group would not be allowed to hold our weekly science class at the church who has been allowing us to do so. The Pastor there sited reasons of liability because he saw some of our kids run outside (with me and one of the other moms in tow, I might add) but it was a misunderstanding. For some unknown reason he'd decided to pop in on our class on Monday, when the incident occurred, and to introduce himself as the new Pastor when, in fact, he's been Paster at that church for three years (this information came from the woman who runs the front office). The whole interaction between him and our group was awkward and I'd feared something bad was going to come of it, even before the kids ran outside. I have a bit of clairvoyant ability- I tend to pick up on the emotions of other people very easily- and I sensed almost immediately that something was amiss with him, though I'm not sure what the actual problem was. I and at least one of the other moms feel that the church had some sort of previous issue and this incident simply provided them with the excuse they needed to feel okay with telling us to leave.

Our group does not have any religious or spiritual affiliations; we are a fairly eclectic bunch with various spiritual leanings. This particular church was chosen as our meeting place because they had a room available, and rooms in which to hold these types of classes are difficult to find. While homeschooling is becoming more popular and more widely accepted, there aren't many organizations in this area who have the facilities available to share with us. Fighting the urge to write a scathing email to the church, I fired off a diplomatic and reasonable letter this morning in an attempt to reason with them. I don't think that it will do any good, but it was a good exercise in expending negative energy in a creative way. This incident makes the second bad experience I've had with a church organization in two weeks and I'm fighting the urge to be resentful at "the church" as a whole. While I am not a Christian, I try to be open minded and respectful when it comes to the beliefs of others and understand that sometimes we need to separate the acts of institutions from those of individuals. What is causing me such vexation here is that, in this case, two individuals really pissed me off (almost immediately after the Pastor's exit from our class the secretary for the church came in to obtain our names and phone numbers-which also caused me some unease-and she made the snide comment upon leaving of "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya").

In any event, now we begin the process of looking for another place to hold our class. And I continue to process of trying to be calm in situations where my patience seemed stretched to its limits.

Goddess Bless!

Finding the Calm Within

I have been finding myself very out of sorts lately, a combination of stress over the whole house buying process, lack of sleep, lack of creativity energy expended (I began my book a week ago but have not written anything new in several days, in spite of the promise I made to myself that I would take a little time every couple of days to do so), and not going to the gym in two weeks. (Okay, make that three weeks, with a couple of days thrown in that I won't count. ) Last night, I experienced a complete emotional meltdown after dinner. I simply did not have any more energy to give to anyone else.

I'd planned on attending a 7:30 women's group; I'd been looking forward to the meeting itself as well as the quiet time alone I usually enjoy after I return home. Due to the latest house issues, I was late in getting dinner on the table, and, thus, late in cleaning up after dinner. By the time I was able to leave the house it was almost 8PM, and I was angry, frustrated and not just a tiny bit resentful. I suppose that husbands don't always think about things like pitching in to help clean up after dinner, and I could have asked him, but he was so tired and grumpy himself that I refrained from doing so. The result was that I was running around like woman gone mad, tossing pots and pans around with great abandon, trying to hurry the process so that I could take leave. In retrospect, I'm surprised that a plate or glass survived the event.

I arrived at my meeting feeling as though my whole being was vibrating with negative energy (as, I suppose, it was). I sat in my chair for a few minutes, seething, silently cursing the "double standard" that sometimes occurs in life where men and women are concerned, and just generally feeling uncomfortable. Eventually, tired of being angry and uncomfortable with the idea that negativity was pouring forth in waves from my body, I decided to do a short, very simple meditation that usually helps me to ground and center.

Since I feel very connected to trees, I like to ground myself by envisioning that I am a tree. Sometimes I'm a willow, for my Celtic birthmonth, and sometimes I'm a different variety of tree. It doesn't matter what type of tree one chooses, as long as it feels right. Last night, I imagined a tall tree with many different colored flowers-blue, yellow, pink, orange. This was not a tree actually found in nature, but one fashioned after a painting that used to hang in our house when I was a child, decorated with flowers the colors of which I found comfort when I was very young. Closing my eyes, I felt my roots digging deep into the earth, finding nourishment in the moist soil. I felt my branches and leaves stretching upward to the sky, feeling the warmth on my leaves. I felt the wind blowing through my branches, causing me to sway but, firmly rooted in the ground, I did not fall over. I felt the negative energy flowing outward from my trunk, through my roots, disappearing into the loving earth and being neutralized. Through my leaves I felt myself being fed by the sun and filled with light. I felt myself recharging, my roots soaking up positive energy, which then flowed throughout my trunk and upward through my branches. I envisioned myself vibrating with pink and white light. This was a very brief meditation, since I was sitting in a room full of people who might have thought it strange to see me sitting there for a prolonged period of time with my eyes closed. However, it really did the trick; I came out of the vision feeling more balanced emotionally and spiritually (I feel a true spiritual connection with trees), and I was able to focus more on the people around me. As a result, I was able to listen to what some of the women in the room had to say and to focus on something other than my own "stuff".

It's amazing to me that the simple act of taking a quiet moment in meditation can change my whole perspective. This really does work, though. Maybe you could try it yourself sometime!!!

A Day At the Beach

My family and I enjoyed a wonderful day today, celebrating the marriage of some good friends, splashing around in the ocean, running around on the beach, and just celebrating the sunshine and cool breezes. Thunderstorms had been predicted for later in the day, but although we saw some very large dark clouds, the rains never moved in. I hope that the skies decide to open up tomorrow, however, as everything is very dry and we are in desperate need of some quenching. Days like this make me happy that I live in Florida; my relatives up north are cold, tired of the snow, and eager for spring to make her annual appearance. While I miss New England and miss being close in proximity to my family, I've grown accustomed to living here, and it doesn't look like we'll be leaving any time soon.

On that note, the new house closing date in this Tuesday. I hope, hope, hope that this time it "takes". Hubby and I are anxious to begin the tasks of cleaning, installing appliances and laying down new tiles in the living room (more on that later). Once we've closed and the termite tenting has been done, I will do the same blessing over the house that I did when we moved into our current residence. It seemed to have worked nicely and it made our house feel "clearer". Plus, I love doing that first little majical thing in a home. It's the beginning of making it our own, of giving it that first glimmer of a sparkle. I burned down the last of my house candle a few weeks ago; now it's up to the bank to let us close (and the universe to decide what's going to happen).

I hope everyone had a good weekend. Until next time, Goddess bless!!!