Finding the Calm Within

I have been finding myself very out of sorts lately, a combination of stress over the whole house buying process, lack of sleep, lack of creativity energy expended (I began my book a week ago but have not written anything new in several days, in spite of the promise I made to myself that I would take a little time every couple of days to do so), and not going to the gym in two weeks. (Okay, make that three weeks, with a couple of days thrown in that I won't count. ) Last night, I experienced a complete emotional meltdown after dinner. I simply did not have any more energy to give to anyone else.

I'd planned on attending a 7:30 women's group; I'd been looking forward to the meeting itself as well as the quiet time alone I usually enjoy after I return home. Due to the latest house issues, I was late in getting dinner on the table, and, thus, late in cleaning up after dinner. By the time I was able to leave the house it was almost 8PM, and I was angry, frustrated and not just a tiny bit resentful. I suppose that husbands don't always think about things like pitching in to help clean up after dinner, and I could have asked him, but he was so tired and grumpy himself that I refrained from doing so. The result was that I was running around like woman gone mad, tossing pots and pans around with great abandon, trying to hurry the process so that I could take leave. In retrospect, I'm surprised that a plate or glass survived the event.

I arrived at my meeting feeling as though my whole being was vibrating with negative energy (as, I suppose, it was). I sat in my chair for a few minutes, seething, silently cursing the "double standard" that sometimes occurs in life where men and women are concerned, and just generally feeling uncomfortable. Eventually, tired of being angry and uncomfortable with the idea that negativity was pouring forth in waves from my body, I decided to do a short, very simple meditation that usually helps me to ground and center.

Since I feel very connected to trees, I like to ground myself by envisioning that I am a tree. Sometimes I'm a willow, for my Celtic birthmonth, and sometimes I'm a different variety of tree. It doesn't matter what type of tree one chooses, as long as it feels right. Last night, I imagined a tall tree with many different colored flowers-blue, yellow, pink, orange. This was not a tree actually found in nature, but one fashioned after a painting that used to hang in our house when I was a child, decorated with flowers the colors of which I found comfort when I was very young. Closing my eyes, I felt my roots digging deep into the earth, finding nourishment in the moist soil. I felt my branches and leaves stretching upward to the sky, feeling the warmth on my leaves. I felt the wind blowing through my branches, causing me to sway but, firmly rooted in the ground, I did not fall over. I felt the negative energy flowing outward from my trunk, through my roots, disappearing into the loving earth and being neutralized. Through my leaves I felt myself being fed by the sun and filled with light. I felt myself recharging, my roots soaking up positive energy, which then flowed throughout my trunk and upward through my branches. I envisioned myself vibrating with pink and white light. This was a very brief meditation, since I was sitting in a room full of people who might have thought it strange to see me sitting there for a prolonged period of time with my eyes closed. However, it really did the trick; I came out of the vision feeling more balanced emotionally and spiritually (I feel a true spiritual connection with trees), and I was able to focus more on the people around me. As a result, I was able to listen to what some of the women in the room had to say and to focus on something other than my own "stuff".

It's amazing to me that the simple act of taking a quiet moment in meditation can change my whole perspective. This really does work, though. Maybe you could try it yourself sometime!!!