A Little More Gardening

While my daughter played very happily with our next door neighbor today (spring break is afoot), I spent a little more time working on the fairy garden.  I laid down some good soil, created a "river" using aquarium pebbles (notice the moat around the castle), and planted some Cosmos behind the river.  I'm hoping they grow well there; the area is a partial shade place and Cosmos grow well in partially shaded gardens.  Since the flowers will mature to be on the tall side, I placed them behind the river area only; I will need to find ground cover flowers to put in front but I'm not sure what I want to use yet.

Having risen at 5:00a.m. and ran a little over two miles this morning as well as lifting some weights, I'm feeling a bit tired at this point.  I cleaned up around the yard, changed the nectar in the hummingbird feeder (but have yet to see a hummingbird still-hmph!), undog-pooped the yard, tended to the chickens, washed and folded clothes, and went grocery shopping.  I'd hoped to work on my Goddess piece but it seems I've run out of time.  The dog still needs to be walked and dinner has to be made (easy tonight-zucchini lasagna) and I'm determined to tuck the little one in on time tonight so I will have some time to relax.  And, just maybe, work on the Goddess piece.  

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Sunday Introspection

It's Sunday, and I'm taking some time to rest and be a little bit lazy for a short while. It's raining as as I sit outside under the awning by our garden patio, and thundering as well. I'll remain here until either the lightning or the mosquitoes drive me inside. I love spring storms such as this.

Yesterday was a busy, good day: youth group in the morning, a sweet 16 party for the wonderful girl who babysits our daughter last night. We stayed out a bit late; since the little one has been sick we didn't want to "over do" it and had intended to leave the party early. There never seemed to be an appropriate time to leave, however. Before we knew it, 10:30 had arrived and we were leaving amidst a flurry of teenagers. By the time we went to bed it was midnight.

Today, we all slept late but I still feel sleepy. The sound of the rain softly falling and the cool kiss of the wind on my face are only serving to lull me further. The mosquitos will push me to go inside soon; the little buggers are really screwing with my serenity.

This post is the first with my picture on it, and there's a reason for this. Up to this point, I've been very "broom closeted". Now, I'm not going to hang a sign in front of my door, but I do wish to be a bit more open and a bit more true and a lot less hypocritical. My life has been touched by death quite a lot over recent months, and that's gotten me thinking a lot about life. I've been mulling quite liberally over the idea that so many of us reject who we really are, or live our lives in fear of our true selves being outed. If life is short and we never know when the end might arrive, shouldn't we live it to the fullest? Shouldn't we choose an ethical spiritual path that fits us, listen to the callings that beckon our hearts, and move forward boldly in the direction our dreams guide us to?

I think so. And I've decided to try it out.



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It Who Shall Not Be Named Rages On

The yucky continued to infiltrate our home yesterday, though my little one seemed to be doing slightly better.  She's managed to keep a bit of milk down (she asked for milk, and while I had my doubts, she did okay with it), and only threw up once yesterday.  At one point during the day she looked up at me from her place beside me on the bench at the kitchen table and very plaintively cried, "Mommy! I can't enjoy anything right now!" My heart was broken. 

I am trying to stave off whatever this is (I'm not using the "v" word, believing that words possess power and wanting very much for it to leave us quickly).  I've been feeling tired in the mornings, waking up with the sensation of having been beat up in my dreams, and experiencing a bit of sour stomach throughout the day, but thus far I'm in denial with regard to being sick.  I'll admit that I'm fighting something off and have gone as far as to skip the gym this week (I hate missing my thrice weekly workouts because they keep me mentally A LOT more sane) but am hoping that I can escape the experience of full-blown illness.  I don't have time to be sick with a stomach v--- (almost wrote it), though I know that such things don't really care what events I have penned onto my social calendar or my house list. 

On another note, I am homesick.  I suppose I'm always a little homesick for New England, but lately I've been homesick in the extreme.  This morning I was browsing the web site for Earth Spirit, reading up on all of the events going on up in the Massachusetts region over Beltane, and was struck with such a feeling of wanting to be connected there it made me choke down a sob. I know this sounds very dramatic and maybe even silly, but it's true.  I love our house, and our friends, and this new journey I'm taking with the Sisterhood (in spite of my spiritual ramblings, I think I'm beginning to understand who I've always been and feel like I might even be able to embrace it without fear of what most of the outside world thinks), but I can't shake the feeling that I belong up north.  Of course, my husband might not share this sentiment. He likes New England, and I believe if he didn't have to do construction there he'd be okay with living in that type of environment.  Right now, though, it isn't happening.  More will be revealed.  And, hopefully, I'll be up there for two weeks this summer with my little one.

Yucky Viruses Attack

My little one has been sick, going on the third day now, with the latest virus that's been circulating.  It's the worst she's ever been sick, and my poor girl is miserable.  I've been very concerned about the possibility of dehydration, but she's managed to keep some fluids down over the past two days, and a bit of raspberry Jello (she claims that this is the only food which tastes good at the moment), so I'm not as worried about that as I was.  Still, any time our little ones are ill for an extended period of time, we worry and we hurt for them.  As for my husband and I, we're trying hard to stave this virus off, since neither of us can spend any real time laying about if we get sick.  The last time something like this hit me I had to wait until the weekend for it to completely manifest, since that's the only time I might be able to sleep for an extended period of time!

While my girl was sleeping yesterday afternoon, I spent some time walking around our yard snapping photographs.  Our pineapple tree now has a nice flower on top:

Our rose garden is also looking much better than it did a couple of months ago.  While most of the roses shriveled prior to my taking this picture, the bougainvillea are putting on a nice show.  It will take lots of time, patience and love to create a garden sanctuary full of flowers and green, and then hopefully a hurricane won't whip through and destroy it all.  Right now, it's fairly blissful:

That round glass ball is a solar powered light which changes colors after darkness falls.  We have a few of them poked here and there in the garden and I love them because they remind me of fairy lights at night.

Well, off to take care of my girl and try to fight off this feeling of sleepiness (which, I'm sure, is an indication that said virus is attempting to infiltrate the land of Mom). Have a great day, all!

Wonderful Saturday Experience

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to attend a class on Goddess spirituality, facilitated by a wonderful woman in the magickal community who has been studying and priestessing for twenty five years.  Surrounded by other women, I spent a glorious two and half hours or so learning about the Goddess in her maiden aspect, followed by a guided mediation which proved to be a powerful experience for me, as well as for all involved.  I decided to attend the class because I feel that over the past several years I've been looking at life largely from the sidelines, peering over the fence and watching others play from a safe distance.  I'm tired of gazing at life from that vantage point and feel ready to dive into a new adventure, wherever it takes me.  I was reminded yesterday of what attracted me to this spirituality in the first place: I felt happy sitting in a room of open minded people, people who accept me for exactly who I am and who seem genuinely interested in living a life filled with spirituality and the sparkle of magic and mystery.  I left the tea shop feeling uplifted, happy and positive, and I felt good about once again putting a foot forward and allowing the other to follow, not merely reading about the existence of a class which I thought sounded interesting, but actually getting into my car, driving over to the shop, and experiencing it myself.  I'm ready to join a community, and I think this is the direction I need to head in.  

Collapsed in a Chair

I'm exhausted- it's been a busy week, as always, and my mind is still working hard thinking about all of the things I still want to do. I'm looking forward to attending a class about Goddess spirituality tomorrow, having decided that when that part of my life is missing I become very unhappy. I will let out a sigh here, resigned to the idea that I an never going to live a life of orthodox religion of any kind. I'm trying to follow both my heart and my head in this regard, and to walk a path that is meaningful to me and does not cause me to be a hypocrite. More than just about anything, I dislike hypocrisy and I have no desire to be the type of person who talks from both sides of her mouth.

On that note, I think I'm going to pull out my Gaia peice and Prismacolor away for awhile!


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