Growing Spiritually, and Letting Go a Bit

We have entered the season of Passover, and, for me, I'm not really feeling it this year. I'm going through some of the motions due to a feeling of "tribal" connection, and I think that's good, but it's not due to some feeling that God will be angry with me if I don't comply with some written set of rules. My spirituality has never been conventional, though I've always gravitated toward some aspects of the religions of my upbringing, Catholicism and Judaism. At different times of life I've moved closer to one or the other, but my feeling that there was "something else" out there for me never really disappeared wholly. I've always felt that there had to be more, always felt a connection to some other Higher Power concept. Part of the reason for this, I suppose, is rooted in the studies I conducted in college as well as the varied people I met while there and afterward. Away from the conventional world my family inhabited, I was exposed to different ideas, to different histories, to more openness of thought. What I learned from these experiences has followed me ever since and although at times it has created great conflict within me, I'm grateful for being released from the prison of narrow mindedness. Lately I've realized that sometimes my fear closes me off to spiritual experiences I might otherwise have; so many of us have ideas ingrained in us as children when it comes to God concepts. We are told that the positive experiences we have when engaging with the Goddess, for instance, are just tricks being wrought upon us by "the devil", that they aren't valid or real and that they compromise our very souls. We are told to question everything that goes against the grain of Christianity, or whatever religion we were brought up with, so that we do question these encounters with spirit, we doubt that they are valid, we doubt our own ability to connect. It's really quite sad. I've found that lately forging some type of connection with others of like mind and heart has been helping me along my journey. Although I try not to allow others' perceptions to influence how I feel, sometimes this proves to be a difficult task. We can't help but be influenced by the ideas of others sometimes, particularly those people we hold in high regard, and this is one of the reasons why it's important to include in our lives people who share similar beliefs to ours. I enjoy the company of many people who I adore but who don't share my spiritual beliefs, and that's okay. We all can learn from each other on this adventure of life. That said, I also crave and need the company of people who do share in some of my beliefs; it's nice to have others to bounce ideas off of, to share thoughts and feelings with. It's important to me to be able to speak my deepest thoughts to someone who won't raise his or her eyebrow and tell me (either with words or gesture) that I'm crazy, that I'm on a pathway to evil, or some other such nonsense. I need to be able to trust my instincts, to believe that the connection I feel with my Higher Power is real and valid and dynamic. I feel the power of spirit all around me; I can't believe that the Goddess doesn't breathe in every tree, river, rock, cloud, mountain, sandy beach. I don't reject this world as an unholy place; I do understand that there are some people who seem to have been overtaken by darker elements. Some of these people are born with mental illnesses over which they have little or no control (withouth outside help). Others have been overtaken by harmful desires. Some have no connection with a higher power and so have no positive ideology by which to live their lives. I don't believe these people have been inhabited by Satan, but rather by the darker forces existent within themselves. I feel that the magic starts within; if you don't feel it within you, you will never feel it outside of yourself.

May you feel the magic and joy existent within yourself today. May that magic never be squashed by someone who doesn't believe the way that you do.