Sometimes We Wake Up and - Pow!!!!

I began checking into more Goddess-centered spirituality back in the late '80's, when I was first entering college and had begun mixing with lots of different types of people. Before that, my existence was a fairly sheltered one, centered on Judao-Christian beliefs and practices, with no real formal religious devotion going on, aside from an occasional visit to a synagogue or a church (we are a bi-religious family). One summer day back in 1987 (or around then sometime), my then boyfriend and I hopped onto his motorcycle and jetted up to the shop Laurie Cabot owned in Salem. While her shop is no longer there (or she no longer owns it-I'm not sure whether or not it's still in existence in some form), the seed that was planted on that day has grown into a beautiful flower, the color of which has grown brighter some years and quite pale others. Now, in my 42nd year of existence on this planet, I've taken a deeper plunge into the witchy waters, deciding at last to take on more of a commitment to this path because it truly feels like the right thing to do. I feel like I've found a home in this community, even though I've really only just scratched the surface of what the Pagan community is.

This week I began reading a book by Sue Monk Kidd, entitled, "The Dance of the Dissident Daughter", and it's stirring up emotions within me that I wasn't aware still resided there. While I believe that the world has changed a little bit since she wrote this book, much of what she describes with regard to our largely patriarchal society and our roles as women within in have not. For the most part, our religions still venerate Gods, or God, not Goddesses (or a Goddess), and as long as this is true there will be a slant toward the male as somehow being dominant, more relevant and powerful. I don't consider myself to be a radical feminist, but I am a feminist of some sort. I believe that in order for my spiritual path to be balanced it needs to include both a feminine and a male aspect of divinity. Most days I feel more comfortable with a female image; some days I need the male aspect a little bit more. At any rate, this morning, after reading a bit of this book while sipping my coffee, then taking a shower with Victoria Williams singing in the background (I love Pandora radio) I found myself becoming extremely depressed and angry. I'm not sure where this emotion came from, aside from possibly some frustration that I have not been able to set aside any time recently to attend to my artistic projects, and that has a tendency to make me a little crazy. Okay-a lot crazy. I think this book touched a nerve within me with respect to our roles as women and how difficult it can sometimes be to escape from our roles as constantly serving others and instead serving our own needs.

As evening begins to fall here in South Florida, I feel a sense of peace, but I also feel a sense of really needing to attend to my crafts, both spiritual and artistic. Writing here is a form of artistic release, and a quicker, easier one than taking out my paints and canvas or my Prismacolor pencils and paper. But, I also need to attend to the Goddess within whose story needs to be told in some way, through the visual mediums.

So-pow!!! I'm really glad I picked up this book. It looks to be a life changing read.