Talking About Death from a Pagan Perspective

Last night our friend, Charlie, passed away. He leaves behind two daughters, one fourteen and one twenty (I'd thought that one was fifteen but I was a year ahead), various siblings, and many friends. I have for the past many hours, been unable to get the image of his face out of my head. I've been thinking about him a lot, possibly because he was a person who was at our home often, who I've known for quite some time, or maybe partly because it's frightening to me that someone could be walking around, talking, seeming very well, one moment and be gone the next. For sure, I'm sad for his girls. I lost my own father at the age of twenty and all of these years later still cry sometimes for missing him. I wonder how they will cope without his love, support and guidance. I hope that they will find healthy ways to heal and not hide from the pain by artificial means as I did for several years. There was no warning for Charlie; death just crept up and took him away. He didn't even have time to contemplate the imminence of his demise and what he wanted to accomplish before he left his bodily form- he never regained consciousness after the heart attack. It still feels unreal to me that he's gone; I half expected to see him hop out of my husband's work truck this morning as he pulled back into the driveway. Kinda makes you think about grabbing each moment and living life for all it's worth, eh?

Up to today, I hadn't spoken with our daughter about death much at all. Okay, I haven't talked with her about it one little bit. She seemed too small to expose to the darker elements of life, the sadder stuff of which our existence is partly made. I decided that since we're going to attend a memorial party in Charlie's honor tomorrow, now was a good time to talk about what death means, at least as I understand and believe. Our little one is going to experience an abundance of sorrow around her, lots of people crying and talking about Charlie. She knew him, and I felt that not explaining what was happening would most likely prove to be more frightening than addressing the issue and attempting to give it some explanation. Using the book "Circle Round-Raising Children in Goddess Traditions", by Starhawk, Diane Baker and Anne Hill, was helpful. In the book is a short passage related to explaining death to a small child, as well as a story about how one Mom discussed death with her child in a way that didn't seem so scary. I used the basic framework and gave it my own spin (I wanted to be genuine as kids can spot anything phony a mile away and just reading out of the book might not really have seemed completely genuine). I explained that when we die our spirits go back to the Goddess to be cared for by her. I talked a little bit about how our souls rest and review what they've learned in the life they lead, and how sometimes they are reborn into a new life. I related that even though death is a passageway to a new life, the people left behind are usually very sad because they will miss the person who has passed on. Feeling proud of myself for broaching this difficult (for me) subject, I expected that some sort of discussion would ensue. Silly, silly Mommy!!!! Our daughter simply looked at me, smiled and continued to play with her Miami Hurricanes Ibis doll. I know that her little mind will work over what I said as time goes on, maybe tomorrow. For now, our house is quiet. I'm heading off to make a vegetarian chicken pot pie and hopefully turn in early to snuggle under the covers with a good book.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe Fourth of July holiday!